Here's to the Good Days

Hey there,
so, I was noticing that this all was getting a little dark rather fast and that's because its easier to talk about the bad than the good...

funny how the brain works like that.

And by funny, I mean in the most annoyed way possible.

But here is a good day. 

I woke up feeling sick to my stomach because of all the negativity, stress and anxiety I was letting myself feel recently. I cuddled with my dogs for a little bit and watched a few TikTok videos.

No shame!

And a friend text me, just checking in. The text told me to go on a hike - not in a "take a hike" type of way, but more in a "go outside, get some sun" kind of a way. Now, as anyone who knows me knows, I'm not much of a hiking person. I'll do it maaaaaybe once a year, and I'm definitely more open to it if I'm not going alone.

 And, I already got my solo hike in for this year, so yeah...

 hiking wasn't going to happen.

But, I knew I had a few errands that I wanted to run, so I got up, got dressed, did my hair and make up....

then laid back down in bed because depression is exhausting.

Even with feeling better today, I had been sitting with my depression for so many days that my body just had no energy. I knew I had to get up and go. So, I got up and went.

I ran to Walmart to get fixing for dinner (spaghetti, the feel good food for Italians), got some potting soil and decided to look in the craft area for a few other things I have going on around the house. I didn't find what I was looking for, but I did find some pretty blue, sparkly fabric scissors!

I make wreaths as a side business to my day job as a teacher, I've been needing fabric scissors but keep forgetting. These sparkly ones were SCREAMING my name.

Now, here is the benefit to this 6-feet away rule:

With my anxiety, I hate hate hate going places alone. I do it because I know I have to, but usually if I do, I will plug in my earbuds and listen to my music. When I do this, I sometimes get annoyed glances directed at me, and hear comments about how rude I am due to "not being able to hear"

(which, I can. I never have my music up THAT high)

Mind you, I make sure I'm always aware of my surroundings, I still say "pardon me" when walking by someone. I don't act any different other than the fact that I faintly have my own music playing so that I am a little more calm. I am not ignoring anyone who talks to me, and if someone does talk to me, I take at least one earbud out for the conversation. So, the comments aren't coming from anything other than the fact that I am wearing my earbuds.

But with the 6-feet away thing, no one seems to think twice about me listening to my music. 

Not that they should care anyway...

Then I went through self check out

 (I even remembered my own bag, because I'm sometimes good at being an Oregonian!)

and started heading back towards my car. Now, since I was listening to my music, enjoying the sun and semi-zoning out... I pushed my cart really hard and hopped on 

ya know, like you do when you're younger and you ride on the back while holding the bar to see how far you get with just a single push while your guardian is putting the receipt away and looking for the keys to the car

once I realized what I had just done, and realized I had made it most of the way to my car with one push, I looked around and saw two employees, an elderly gentleman and a guy probably around my age smiling and laughing (more than likely) at me. 

Normally, that would have made me self conscious

did my pants rip? Is there an embarrassing stain? Is my shirt see though? Is my underwear/booty showing?

But today, I was just happy I could make someone smile during all the craziness that is going on in the world. 

I, then, treated myself to a blended coffee and headed home. This was all before 11am!

So, why did I walk you through my day today? 

Because, I'm happy today. I see my own worth today. I see the importance in my friends today. I see my beauty today.

I see clear today.

When you live with depression, your head gets really foggy. Its like looking through a fogged up window. You can see, but not clearly. You know there is light coming through, but you can't feel its warmth. You want to be happy, you want the warmth, you want things to be clear and try as you might... depression sometimes wins. 

Now here's the thing:

That's okay.

Yeah, I said it. It's okay to let the depression or anxiety win sometimes. Sometimes your body needs to feel the bad to appreciate the good more, to feel the warmth in all its glory and to notice the beauty in even the smallest thing. The important thing is to not live in your depression and/or anxiety. Let them have a day or a few, then take it back from them.

Today, the beauty I saw was the flowers i keep in my window. They were what encouraged me to get up today: I looked towards my window to my flowers I bought and noticed they were looking a little droopy and almost out of water. So, I took them downstairs, trimmed the stems, cleaned my mason jar, put fresh flower food in and rearranged them before taking them back upstairs to go back into my window. 

Today is a good day. They aren't all good days, but good days will always come. 

Here's to the good days;