Attachment

One of the worst parts of feeling so deeply is the attachment problems that come with it... 

Oh, you wanna be friends? 

Guess what, we're best friends now and I will text you ALL the time. 

Oh, you give me any form of attention?

Yeah, you have all my attention now.

You text me every day and then randomly don't one day?

3 panic attacks and a melt down later, I'll passive aggressively tell you it's fine.

It's not a trust issue, its an attachment issue.

Due to feeling so deeply, I trust nearly instantly. It isn't something that has to be earned in my life, it is something that is instantly given. But, also since I feel so deeply, I attach myself to people very easily. Friends, I make easily. 

Relationships were so easy for me to lose because I'm too much of everything. 

Too clingy

Too talkative

Too caring

Too everything

Too much

It makes everything hard because I sit, and I wait for someone to notice me. I wait until someone notices that I didn't message them today, so then they reach out 

but that doesn't happen.

Then I feel hurt, unimportant, annoying and like a burden.

I notice small things in conversations and I notice when those things change and I will over analyze all of the reasons as to why it possibly changed. If you normally call me a nickname, and then stop... I'll wonder why. If you normally say you love me, or miss me... and then stop.... each day that passes and it goes unsaid, I'll distance myself more and more. 
It's hard because I want to be attached, but I also show people how I will treat them first, then after something happens, I treat them how they treat me and it kills me because I want to be attached, but I can't be. 
My heart is in constant pain because I have always wanted to just be attached to those in my life no matter if it was family, relationships or friends and the minute I felt pushed away, I didn't try anymore because what was the point? Easier to break my own heart rather than wait for someone else to do it, I guess....

But let me tell you, it hurts.

"I just want someone who wont get annoyed when I text them six times 

or IN ALL CAPS. 

Someone I can go on long drives with while blasting music and singing as loud as we can.

Someone I can eat pizza with at 2 a.m. and cuddle at 6 p.m.

Someone who chooses me everyday and never stops to think twice about it."

Until my heart stops hurting;