Abandonment

"This is what it's like to have a fear of abandonment...

for anybody who wants to know...

I get attached way too f***ing easily,

I always want to cling to people so they don't leave but I'm too scared to be clingy because that pushes people away,

if someone takes a long time to respond I think they're either ignoring me or are mad at me because I did something wrong...

if they don't respond I cry.

Separation anxiety.

I always try to please everyone all the time,

and when I do make someone upset I apologize like 87 thousand times because I'm scared that they'll be mad at me forever"

No matter how many times you are left, 

it doesn't get easier.

Yeah... I wish it would too....

The moment something is okay, you start looking for signs that it's not. You read into the small things and notice every subtle change. That's life with being hypersensitive. I notice all the small inconsistencies. The change in tone, use of words, body language... I see the signs when someone is about to leave my life and even though I feel like I get months of preparation due to seeing the signs...

it doesn't get easier.

Sometimes, I wish I was wrong and that someone... just anyone... would stay but they don't. I'm too much and I know that. I'm too much for people to want to deal with because I'm independent but dependent. I notice the small things and they upset me because I know sooner or later, they're going to be big things. 

All of this hit home for some of you? 

It doesn't get easier.

No matter how many people walk out of your life, no matter how many times you give your heart away, break down your walls and let people in....

it doesn't get easier.

Oh man, do I wish it did.

Until something gets easier;